On Notice: New England Rain

I'm officially putting the current weather, formally named New England Rain, on notice. Holy crap, you didn't even know there was such a thing as New England rain, did you? Allow me to educate the masses -- and if you're living in New England and don't have any rain -- I shall be more specific: Massachusetts, Boston, outside, all the time . . . rain, rain, rain.

New England rain is the antithesis of New England snow (see entry On Notice: New England Snow) in that the winter time's NE snow would cause slippery sidewalks, late commutes, school closings, and hot coffee cravings. Instead -- because it's summer now -- NE rain causes spots on my glasses, frizzy hair, sleepiness and depression. It's much more internalized because you can complain about the absolute shittiness of it, but you don't actually see the rain pile up (whereas snow piles up and stays there forever) so your complaints aren't real. You're just sick of it, not necessarily hindered by it . . . unless you're planning an outdoor bbq.

I haven't done the math, but I do believe that since I bought my car on April 6th of this year, I've driven it more in the rain than in sun or clouds. I've used my windshield wipers 3 times as much as I've used the air conditioner. I don't recall the last time it was 70s/80s and sunny. And you cannot say that hot and rainy is any consolation, hot + rainy = muggy, humid, fan in your face weather. It is not pleasant.

Therefore, in order to save the red sox from rain delays and keep my pants and glasses dry, I propose we create a bubble. This bubble will encompass the entire Boston area. Attached to the inside top of the bubble will be a fake sun (better for skin). The bubble will shield the city and people from all rain and various unpleasant droppings from the sky (spaceships, asteroids, bird poop) while keeping away humidity at a temperature-controlled 75 degrees.

It's going to be a hit, I just know it. Of course, until they get that up and running, I'm stuck with frizzy hair and a jacket -- a jacket!!! in June!!!

Dead to Me: See-through Shirts

What is the purpose of a see-through shirt, really? And why would I pay such prices for things that have to be worn with other things? I'm on the banana republic website, trying to figure out if the shirt is made of the same material that is usually see-through. And then when I reluctantly buy the shirt, I stand in front of a mirror with all the lights on. Is it see-through? No? But sorta? Why sorta? Wtf?

And so maybe I was late to the party, but the BR website does provide an indicator of when a shirt is or isn't. The least see-through is called 'opaque' and the most is called 'complete waste of your money since you have to wear something under it always'. So I'm buying opaque, when necessary. And I'm still standing in front of the mirror with all the lights on thinking 'oh great, you can see my bra!'. But you can't really. But maybe you can.

My mother has no idea why girls my age care about seeing the bra. She says 'at least you're wearing a bra!'. What does that have to do with it? Ugh, so it's my pet peeve. See-through shirts. Why? What's the purpose? I don't like camisoles.

On Notice: The Twilight Obsession

Anything that could lead to the phrase 'omg vampires that glow are so hawt!' needs to be discarded. This is not the Harry Potter craze, these are females ages 10-30 who are screaming (like 'Ashlee Simpson concert'-type screaming) for a 30-second trailer of a movie that shows a kiss and a werewolf.

I haven't read the books and I really don't want to read them. I also don't plan on ever watching the movies. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when 14 year olds are going around, wishing their boyfriends were vampires that glowed, that's a problem.

Can't people just watch True Blood? Why does that not satisfy your vampire craving? That Robert Pattison guy isn't even cute . . . and who cares if he's dating the girl? Ugh.